


Pale Angel

by izuku



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Armin has anorexia, Depression, Eating Disorders, Eremin - Freeform, Eren finds out, M/M, Oneshot, Oops, P angsty, Sorry this is sort of me venting and trying to feel better, armin's pov, self-harm mentions, these tags are a disaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-18 22:10:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4722212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izuku/pseuds/izuku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Armin Arlert spends a lot of time with his boyfriend Eren Jeager- but he has a secret that makes being with him physically, difficult. </p>
<p>Eren Jeager is concerned about his boyfriend Armin- he's been acting strange and Eren wants to know why.</p>
<p>Pretty angsty fic in which Eren finds out about Armin's eating disorders and past self-harm. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>This is sort of a vent piece for me-sorry that the description is so bad, synopses will be the end of me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pale Angel

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [How Many Ways Can You Fall in Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1017495) by [KuroRiya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KuroRiya/pseuds/KuroRiya). 



> I've been feeling really down and not body-positive lately, so I'm just writing this to kind of vent. Sorry about the really horrible description, I suck at them. This will be in Armin's POV, just fyi.

It's a beautiful Saturday afternoon and, as usual, Eren and I are lounging around on my bed, doing nothing in particular. I'm lying about a foot away from him, not wanting him to feel how much weight I've gained. It's disgusting, really, how much I've gained. I try and try and try to lose it, I cut down on my meals to the point of only eating about a bite or two of food per day, and if I eat more than that, I just throw it back up. I've exercised more, done more walking, running, even doing some conditioning at home, but nothing works. My stomach just keeps growing and growing, making me feel disgusting and ashamed.

Eren turns on his side so he's facing me, and I do the same towards him. Our noses and foreheads touch, and a smile spreads across my face. Somehow, Even just being around Eren makes me happy, happier than anything. However, when he brings his arm to wrap around me, I flinch away. I don't want him to know how grossly overweight I am. Obviously, my movements weren't very subtle.

Eren's brows furrow. "What's wrong?" Eren asks concernedly. I just squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head. It's not only my weight that I don't want him to see, it's the long, jagged scars that run across my stomach and thighs from when I last inflicted them on myself, nearly nine months ago. He doesn't know about them, either. My breaths are starting to become shaky, panic rising in my throat. He can't know, I can't let him know he can't- my frantic thoughts are interrupted by smooth hands cupping my face. I open my eyes and am greeted with the sight of Eren't blue-green ones. My breathing starts to slow again as Eren slides a thumb across my cheek, wiping away tears that I didn't know were there.

"Armin," Eren murmurs gently, pressing a kiss to each of my damp cheeks, "please tell me what's going on." 

Once again, I just shake my head. Eren sighs and, before I can react, wraps his arms around me. Immediately, I feel his spine stiffen, and I dig my face into his shoulder. Oh god, he know, he knows how gross and fat and horribly disgusting I am. I feel tears spring into the corners of my eyes, and I bite my cheek.

"Oh my god, Armin, you lost a ton of weight." Eren gasps, and I suppress a grin. No, he's probably lying to make me feel better. That must be it.

"You don't have to lie to me." I say sadly. "I know that I've gained weight recently, but I can't seem to stop it." I continue, my voice breaking slightly.

"Armin, are you kidding me? You're so tiny, if you lost any more weight, you'd disappear." Eren gawks at me, pulling away from the hug and sitting up, pulling me with him. Without any warning, he lifts up the hem of my shirt, and I immediately turn beet red out of shame.

"I-I swear I tried to lose the weight, I really did, it just would't go away and now its so-" I start before Eren cuts me off.

"Armin, I can see all of your ribs! Your stomach is caved in! You're so, so thin. I knew you'd not been eating as much recently, but I never thought..." He trails off, the words seemingly caught in his throat. He's got to be joking. I've gotten so overweight recently, he can't be serious. There's no way. Eren grabs my hand and pulls me off of my bed, leading me out of my room.

"Wh-where are we going?" I stutter, confused.

"We're going to the kitchen to get you some food." He says sternly, not looking back at me. I swallow, hard.

"E-Eren, I'm re-really not hungry, and I'm already overweight as it is." I fumble with the words as we begin to descend the stairs. At this, he whips around and stares me right in the eyes.

"Armin Arlert, don't you dare say that you're overweight, because you're not. You're the most underweight I've ever seen you, by a long shot. Have you even looked in a mirror? Your cheeks are sunken, your veins are more prominent than ever, you're practically a stick figure." He responds, squeezing my hands. "You're killing yourself, Armin." He continues, his tone much gentler now. "And you don't even know it." Eren stares into my eyes, sadly, and then plants a little kiss on my forehead. "Now, we're gonna make you some soup, okay? You need to eat something." He finishes. I nod shakily, and he replies with a small smile as he turns back around. I stumble a few times on the way, due to some lightheadedness. I'd been getting that a lot more lately, little fits of dizziness and lightheadedness. 

Finally, he sits me down at the kitchen table, and he starts heating up some tomato-basil soup from a can. Once it's ready, he places it down in front of me, along with a spoon. I take to spoon by the handle and dip it into the bowl, filling it with the warm red liquid. I take a deep breath. It's now or never. Quickly, I put the spoon in my mouth and gulp down the soup, Eren watching intently the whole time. I feel it slip down my throat and down into my stomach, and I shudder. This is just gonna make me gain even more weight. I know that one spoonful isn't enough to satisfy Eren, so I struggle through as many as I can. After about 7, however, my deprived stomach can't take anymore, not used to having so much food in it.

I turn towards Eren. "I'm full." I say, clenching my jaw. I'm beyond full, really. If I ate one more spoonful, I'm sure that everything would come right back up. Eren squints his eyes.

"You've hardly eaten. The bowl's not even half empty." He states, throwing a glance at the bowl of soup. He's right, of course, but I just can't do it.

"There's no way that I could eat any more without puking." I respond, blinking hard. In fact, I can feel my stomach rejecting the food and- "Oh my god." The words slip out of my lips before I cover my mouth with my hands and sprint into the bathroom. As soon as I'm there, I retch whatever amount of food I'd ingested, into the toilet. Eren rubs my back, murmuring sweet words into my ears as I wipe my mouth and start to cry.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." I whisper as tears slip down my cheeks. Eren wraps himself around me, kissing my neck. I shudder and lean back into him, curling up into a ball. 

"You're just sick right now, Armin. And we're going to find someone to help you, okay? You're gonna get better." He mutters, squeezing me closer to him. I nod as sobs begin to wrack my body, and he bring me even closer. I feel something drip onto my shoulder, and I turn to see what it is. I'm greeted with the sight of Eren, a few tears running down his cheeks. I wipe them away with my thumb and press a small kiss to his lips. 

"I hate to see you in so much pain." He whispers to me, loosening his grip around me. I turn so that I'm sitting on his lap, my thighs wrapped around his waist, pressing my forehead to his. He runs his fingers through my blonde locks, his eyes closed.

"I love you." I reply softly, "I don't want to hurt you." At that, Eren pulls away slightly, opening his eyes. For a moment, he simply stares at me, before he closes the space between us, bringing our lips together. I hum contentedly, but I pull away rather quickly. 

"I don't think you'd want the taste of vomit in you mouth." I whisper, smiling. 

"I think you're probably right about that one." He chuckles, but the smile quickly fades from his face. "Armin, how long has this been going on?" I scratch my chin.

"I don't know, really. I've been insecure about my weight for forever, but I noticed myself gaining a lot of weight a couple months back. It wasn't so bad at first, but I kept gaining weight so I ate less. It seems pretty logical, really." I rub the back of my neck awkwardly, slightly uncomfortable. 

"Armin, you've never been fat. Never. You've always been a little stick figure, hardly any meat on your bones." He massages his hands into back of my neck. "How could you ever think that you were fat?" He murmurs under his breath, hugging me closer once again. "I love you." He says, smiling at me. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you." He whispers to me in between tiny kisses that he plants on my face. My lips curve up in a smile, and I relax into Eren's arms, my head tucking into his chest.

"I love you too." I mumble back, feeling a happiness in my chest, something I haven't in a long while. Eren picks me up, carrying me into my room. He lays me down on my bed, and he curls up next to me.

"Will you promise me something?" Eren says after a while, breaking the silence.

"Sure." I reply groggily, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Never do something like this again. I-I can't lose you." He stutters, grasping my hands. In response, I nod and curl myself into him, and he obligingly wraps his arms around me.

Soon after, I drift off into the most peaceful sleep I've had in months.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked this! Just sort of something to make me feel better, and I hope it makes some of you guys feel better too. Kinda got writer's block near the end, I hope it wasn't tooooooo obvious. Anyways, I hope you guys have a fabulous day and that you keep doing well for as long as you can!


End file.
